I know this isnt exactly a music video, but it is a 3 minute short shot on 35mm that I have recently done. I was the cinematographer on it and would love some feedback.

Thanks so much rtcc.blip.tv

         

Dude/ma'am, wait a couple days and we'll have the perfect place for you to post this. A shorts blog is coming very soon!

         

Im a dude, and I appreciate you letting me know. That is a great idea to have a shorts blog. I will keep a lookout for it. Thanks!

         

I very much like the feeling you give out. That shot of the wave dissolving to the field is also amazing. So is the guy somehow lost in this esoteric labyrinth? I don't quite get the meaning of the story...

I like the photography, but i think that the use of royalty free stock footage of the skies, degrades your final result of the long desired 35mm. Very warm and sentimental, i 'd like to c more work from you. Do u have a website?

re:spex

         

Everything was shot by me. The sky and timelaps of the moon where all shot with an old mitchell fitted with an intervalometer. Unfortunetly the sky scene did pick up some dirt along the way, but that will all be fixed when the online edit is done.

Unfortunetly I dont have a website at this time, but I will be working on one soon. Thanks for the comment it is greatly appreciated!

Terry

         

looked like a piece on alzheimer's. i agree about the moon&clouds distracting from the human(e) esthetic. (you decoloured this?)

         

Yes I desaturated the colors in the tranfer except for greens and blues.

I have not had anyone mention anything about alzheimer's before. I think that is very interesting and a new look on things.

Thanks

         

Terry/rtcc: So I think the most important thing you have to do is find some kind of narrative kernel for the piece. As of now it feels like a tone poem sans poetry and rolls off you as an audience member a little too easily.

I want you to check out a short film at this year's sundance film festival that I feel may help put things in a better perspective:

festival.sundance.org

The one you should see is THIRTEEN. I find it quite tremendous and entirely charged. It gives us just enough to ground us, but not enough to fully define exactly what's going on. Added to this we sense something is happening without ever fully seeing anything happen. Awesome!

Your short lives in a similar space but needs something you know. What that something is I'm not quite sure -- maybe some narration, maybe an opening quote/title card, maybe a final scene or vignette. But something and I feel like your task as of now is to find that ground.

Moreover, the shot of the man in the middle of the circle is as of now, meaningless. I believe it could be an interesting little moment but you've got to get us there.

Think about the circle motif you have going on in the piece. Maybe this can relate somehow to what it's about as a whole.

I like the photography but all time lapse shots have to go. They dont add anything and feel redundant.

The title has to go as well. JOHN is too flat and unsuggestive. I almost wanted to call this WALKING or CIRCLES but balked because of the same concerns as above.

Good work overall. I look forward to a finished piece.

         

Alright! Thanks. This is the stuff I was looking for. I agree that it seems alittle bit too abstract right now. Again, I am just the cinematographer but I do know that they director and writer are recording some sort of voice over/poem that will be layered on top. I think this will probably add more elements like you suggested. I think it would be a good thing to do a cut without the time laps stuff, I will try and get that done. I appreciate you time and help.